The Voice Within

Darn, I hate this day.

My English teacher kept on borrowing my USB from me for days. Now I badly need it but then I forgot to ask him to return it to me. ****. I know that he is busy these days, but seriously, there is what you call "responsibility." Everytime I want my USB back, I go to his office and ask it from him. The only time he went to me and returned my USB to me (duh.. he was the one who approached me) was last periodical examinations. It took about 1 or 2 days (not sure) before he got to return it to me... He didn't even inform me that he lent my USB to another person at that time. I only knew that he lent it to someone, is because I saw that "someone" having my USB . (Yeah... right. Lending something that is not yours to another person. wtf?). Good thing that he lent it to a friend of mine... 'coz if it was just a nobody to me, damn, I'd really get pissed.

Then after recess, I was surprised that our Physics teacher went in our classroom (it was supposed to be our Chemistry). She told us that she somehow switched time with our Chemistry teacher. At that time, I received the bad news that I expected. I got a grade lower than 85 (for the first time in my entire life) but not a line of seven. Because of this, I'm no longer included in the honor pupils. Shit!!!

Then the next subject comes... Biotechnology. Guess what? More time borrowing. We had Chemistry instead of Biotechnology and still had Chemistry at our supposed to be Chemistry time (instead of Physics). Darn, two hours = two lessons + a lot of seatworks (really, "a lot!!!"). Well, at that time, I looked at the bright side and thought that, "At least we can get to master this topic because of the exercises." Then again, bad news. Our teacher didn't seem contented of the tortures he gave so he gave us "a lot" of homeworks; not to mention that it wasn't taught to us yet.

Then by dismissal, our school had this so-called gates by the stairs. They say that it was meant to lock-up students like us. (Overstaying pupils who d not go down at once...blah3x). Well, we had our adviser by our side at that time so we were able to stay longer in cleaning our classroom.

On the way home, I was not in the good mood due to my boyfriend's "he knows what it is and I'm not going to mention it." Knowing his attitude, I just shut up though I spoke few words, still I wasn't able to tell him what I was thinking and what I wanted to say. I find the things that he have been telling me -- as a response; quite different from what I wanted him to know. By that time, all I could do is a big sigh and just let him say all the things that he would like to utter. Well, though I found myself cold to him at that time, I still think that it was better than if I would speak. 'Coz if I did, it might just start up a fight. *sigh*

Now I'm here, in front of my computer; typing; losing interest in studying; not in the mood to start doing my assignments; not in the mood to sleep; getting very serious about stuff; loathing people; loathing the altruism I showed to people; regretting stuff; doubting myself; playing with black nail polish; still haven't spoke a word (last time I spoke was when I talked to a tricycle driver on my way home); bored; wanting for more black stuff; thinking; not in the mood to do anything but hate the things around me; stay at one corner of my room -- alone, people not seeing and talking to me.

© Phantasm Darkstar

I'm just done with making my signature in gonegothic... Yey!

9 Words Women Use and Their Meaning

I got this from the web... just wanna share it. LOL...

9 Words Women Use and Their Meaning
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right
and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five

minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes
to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and
you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in


4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about

nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can
make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying @&*% YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is
now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?"

For the woman's response refer to #3.

This isn't mine, my friend gave me this and I found it to be amazingly true for me, i don't know about anyone else so, basically that's where the HE community comes in. I wanna know if this applies to you.
If your a girl, obviously to yourself
If your a boy, to any of the women in your life

Saved by the Storm

After school, my boyfriend went to my place so that we could make our editorial which is due on Friday. At home, he taught me the guidelines in making an editorial (since he is in journalism class). I was quite shocked when I found out that it's not that simple to make one...
Haha! I must say, I suck in making editorials. wahaha... My boyfriend was already in his third (or was it fourth?) paragraph while I wasn't even done with one paragraph. Yeah, I was able to make paragraphs regarding my opinion; still, it's not good enough to be called an editorial. haha!!! Now I'm here, in my room, typing while thinking of what I should write. Errr... I'm running out of ideas. Ahehehe...

Anyway, I find my horoscope quite weird today.

Being an intellectual is not the same as being a snob -- feeding your brain is sexy.

Good thing there are no classes tomorrow because of the storm. Now I've got more time to think and review. Yeah!

Everything is related to everything else...

This morning, before going to school, I tuned on my phone. I was surprised that I received almost ten messages from my boyfriend. When I read it, I kinda felt bad. I felt bad 'coz I wasn't there for him at that time... I was asleep.

In a few moments, something just happened. (Errr... I can't exactly remember why this part happened). I noticed that my middle finger on my left hand was bleeding. Without controlling it, five drops of blood fell onto my bedroom floor. Suddenly, I thought of something.
"Huh? Hmm... I wonder... Why did this just happen? Does this mean something? Hmm... weird."
Then I just suddenly said, "Darn. Why does it always have to be on my left hand!?"
Afterwards, I just stared at my blood on the floor. It was red an viscous. It made me feel that I want more... more blood to drip out.

Early in the morning in school, as usual, I get pissed by one of the boys in class that made my day, a bad day again.

Hmmm... here's a part of what I wrote on a piece of paper after I took our exam in Microbiology:

It's only 9:30am... our next exam is by 10:10am. Right now, it's our free time since we've already taken our periodical exam in Computer. I feel sleepy; at the same time sick of the following people near me: D******, R***, and company. Oh, how I hate those bastards. All they do is boast, ask for food, criticize others, and boast again.


Looking at the bright side, at least R*** will be gone by next year.

How I hate it every time I see _______ looking at me. Err... makes me feel very irritated and wanting to kill him.

It's our periodical exam today. I'm not in the mood to review. How I wish I could do something without the consequences. (e.g. Stabbing _____ directly at his eyes, cutting off ___'s fingers so that I won't be able to hear him play the guitar ever again, burning people I hate, torturing them, things like that...).

It's now 9:40am... I'm getting bored. Not to mention irritated. Ah! It's like the 5th time I saw _____'s @#$%^&* ugly face looking at me. Haha! He is so pathetic. Yeah, I must say he is. Just look at his face. "Ewww..."

Crap... "Ang bastos 'nya'!" "Leche!!!"

After taking the exam in Filipino, we (my classmates and I) went at the school grounds and hanged there just like we always do. There, a lot of things happened... (It's too long to type. hehe).

I reached home past 1pm though our dismissal time was 11am.

When I viewed my horoscope in friendster, here is what it says:

You see beneath the surface of what people do;
Let them know that you see the truth

Somehow I think that I could relate this to something that is happening right now. Anyway, it's just a horoscope... or is it...?

Now I'm in badtrip mode and not in the mood to type why. Though this has been a bad day, I'm feeling like it's going to get worse tonight. Anyway, I wish I could talk to him later or by tomorrow at about 1am or something.

Subsisted, Subsisting, Will Subsist

Hmmm... a lot of things happened today in school.

First, we had our poem recital in English. We were required to wear formal attire and execute our poem in the audio-visual room. And so, we did... although some of my classmates were not able to bring their costumes. In my part, I recited the poem Meciles Beaute by Geoffrey Chaucer. Though I'm already used to public speaking, I really felt nervous while performing a while ago. (I guess it's because it's graded. wahehe...). Anyway, I still managed to get a perfect score. hehe :P

Then we had our hands-on periodical exam in Computer. I must say, "Damn, the time pressure made me panic!" Anyway, I still managed to get a grade of 94.40%... Weee!!!
Well, here are some excerpts of what my teacher and I have talked about a while ago:

  • † Phantasm Darkstar: sir... anu po score q..? hehe
    Raffy Escarda: 94.40%
    † Phantasm Darkstar: tnx po
    Raffy Escarda: hehe
    Raffy Escarda: aus n un..inaantay ko n mtapos mo agad eh...
    † Phantasm Darkstar: wah... di ko po alam na kasama ung time. hehe
    Raffy Escarda: nklagay nga s may baba diba...
    Raffy Escarda: 30% un
    † Phantasm Darkstar: haha... di kc me nagbabasa eh
    Raffy Escarda: ntetense k kc klng dapat
    Raffy Escarda: msanay k n...marami pang ksunod
    † Phantasm Darkstar: nagloloko po kc ung mouse eh...
    † Phantasm Darkstar: hehe
    Raffy Escarda: nga..mejo nga...
    † Phantasm Darkstar: nataranta po 2loy ako...
    Raffy Escarda: ngloloko n kc ..sinbayan mo pa....hehe
    † Phantasm Darkstar: ahehe
    Raffy Escarda:
    † Phantasm Darkstar:
    Raffy Escarda: madmi png pagkktaon...
    † Phantasm Darkstar: ahehehe...
    Raffy Escarda: kaya mo yan...
    Raffy Escarda: konti nlng tapos nko s grades nun mga nkpagexam...
    Raffy Escarda: notebuk nlng...
    † Phantasm Darkstar: balak ko nga po na magdala ng sariling mouse kanina eh.. kya lng po nalimutan ko... hehe
    Raffy Escarda: ayan...
    † Phantasm Darkstar: usb lng po dala ko.. eh bawal naman po..
    Raffy Escarda: hehe
    † Phantasm Darkstar:
    Raffy Escarda: un n kc pnkamaayos n mouse n meron...kya sbi ko diba..bring ur own...hehe
    Raffy Escarda: actually meron din nmn n ngdala n..ok lng nmn
    † Phantasm Darkstar: hehe...
    Raffy Escarda:
    † Phantasm Darkstar: cge po.. aral na po uli me... hehe.. tnx po uli!
    Raffy Escarda: ok..gudluck
After that, we had our Research... hmmm... at this part, all I could say is, "Darn you people!!! Can't you be a little less self-centered and be concerned to the other people around you!? Can't you even say the words thank you!? Can't you do your job properly!? Can't you even accept your ****ing faults!? Can't you even feel guilt inside of you!? Can't you be ashamed of yourself!?"
Darn... It's a good thing that our Research teacher still has some consideration left in him.
Anyway, of what have happened, I learned... I have learned that it's not always right to pity the people around you. 'Coz if you do, you're the one who's going to be pathetic in the end.

"Thou shall feel my wrath in Research class next quarter. I shall make you learn your lessons."

Then at home, due to my stupidity and childishness; my left thumb is now bleeding and I'm acting like a vampire again. Oh, how I love blood...

And now, I must review for the exams for tomorrow.

I've subsisted, and now subsisting... then will still subsist right after the exams.
I must study hard especially in Research and Physics. My grade is in jeopardy. I'll be in great trouble if ever I'll get a grade lower than 85%. Seriously. I will...

Time flies so fast

It seems like yesterday when I first came to school this school year. Feeling excited for school, seeing my friends again, meeting new teachers, meeting new classmates, feeling happy for seeing and being with my friends again, things like that...

But now, gee...! The first quarter is about to end. Examination days are already next week. I'm already sick of having my seatmate as my seatmate (Goodness' sake! He has been my seatmate since it the first day of school when I was in first year high school. I'm already in the third year for crying out loud! Sheez... ). I already want to graduate and live a life. Still, I should be careful of what I should wish for - just like what my boyfriend told me.

It also seems like yesterday when I said, "Uhm... yeah... yes... uhuh..." to my boyfriend. Then again, time flies so fast; so by tomorrow, we'll be having our eighth monthsary. Hmmm... that sentence made me remember the times when we talk on the phone. It would seem like one of us have just picked up the phone; just then in a few moments, without us noticing, hours have passed and it's already time to say goodbye...

Oh crap. Time flies so fast. Gotta go... I'll just edit this blog if have time. Bye!

A Whole Day Without Sleep...

Oh crap... I have been very busy today...

  • 12 am: I was making my slogan in Physics. Then I had some chat with Von and Charm

  • about 2am: I talked to my boyfriend on the phone while doing my slogan...

  • 3am: I started to feel sleepy. Unfortunately, I can't go to sleep yet because I'm still not yet done with my slogan. Good thing that he kept me awake by singing songs while making the guitar and making me laugh. (Thanks for that!)

  • about 3:30 am: I finished my slogan. (Still on the phone...)

  • 4am: Our conversation ended when the alarms rang and the people in our house woke up.

  • 5am: I had to get ready and go to school. While in school, as usual, I learn stuff, blah blah blah...

    • I learned that "There is a thin line between foolishness and bravery."
      Well, I don't have much time this. I'll just be editing this next time.

    • It's already our periodical exam next week. Yet, it seems like we've got nothing to review on our elective. No books, no lessons, no tests, tentative subject teacher, very few lectures, and just experiments. (This makes me kinda worry... What the heck am I supposed to review then?)

  • 5pm: I reached home, had a rest, and started studying and surfing the web.

  • 9pm: Fixing my blog, and going to study for the upcoming chapter tests.

  • By this time: Still awake, most probably, studying, reading, reviewing, eating, etc.

Knowing the reality behind confessionals...

By studying the book, The Puppet Masters by Colonel John Hughes-Wilson, I therefore discovered another reason why the Catholic Church started the practice of confession a long time ago...

The confession was simply... a way of intelligence collection by the Roman Empire; using the preists as the eyes and ears of Europe (spies).
  • The Church was so all powerful, so all encompassing of peoples' lives in the
    Middle Ages that its intelligence collection and reporting function is often
    simply overlooked or taken for granted, just as it was in its heyday from
    about AD 700-1500. Of course, the Church reported everything to Rome. That
    was what it was for. That was its job.

So okay, I hope you get the point... The confessional functions as an information collection blah blah blah...

To follow up something, here's another excerpt from the same chapter of where this topic was found:

  • ... The sacrament of confession and penance rested on the simple theory that
    sin - except for the most mortal crimes of all - could be purged and cleared by
    confessing all to God's ordained priest. He, drawing on the somewhat dubious
    authority of Matthew's Gospel was endowed with the
    power of none other than
    Christ himself to forgive sins

(Therefore... priests were not really meant to.. well, 'you know what.' )

Well, that was one of Rome's strategy in intelligence collection during their time. And that was the real use of confession. Anyway, as time passes by, confession just became an ordinary practice for average Christians. Or should I say... Catholics.

Popular Posts