Loathing and Penchant Reality: deep within me

Showing posts with label deep within me. Show all posts

Darkness prevailed, the human wailed
My heart, yearning
Drowned into dysfunctional grieving
A silhouette of memories, dissolving

What's worth living is the reason for dying
The shadow consumed the soul
Algor mortis consumed the corpse
Yet the fire still burns

'Tis still a mystery
On why you came to me
And then suddenly, succumb
Just to leave me be

Bathed in cold blood, I yearn
You to come back for I have learned
His fearsome spell of eternal burden
In his words will never be broken

Algor Mortis by Phantasm Darkstar

Ok, so I’m gothic for years already. I love black and I’m quite different from most people. Yet, being a gothic person does not mean that I am an anti-Christ or a Satanist. …though I must say that some Goths are. (I just got pissed by some people who keep repeating that we are wicked and stuff that’s why I’m making this Blog post). One of the bands that I listen to is Within Temptation. It is gothic band and I love them. P.S. Gothic genre is very and way different from metal. I hope you listen to the song instead of just reading the lyrics:

The Truth beneath the Rose by Within Temptation

Give me strength to face the truth, the doubt within my soul
No longer I can justify the bloodshed in his name
Is it a sin to seek the truth, the truth beneath the rose?
Pray with me so I will find the gate to Heaven´s door

I believed it would justify the means
It had a hold over me

Blinded to see the cruelty of the beast
It is the darker side of me
The veil of my dreams deceived all I have seen
Forgive me for what I have been
Forgive me my sins

Pray for me cause I have lost my faith in holy wars
Is paradise denied to me cause I can´t take no more
Has darkness taken over me, consumed my mortal soul
All my virtues sacrificed, can Heaven be so cruel?

I believed it would justify the means
It had a hold over me

Blinded to see the cruelty of the beast
It is the darker side of me
The veil of my dreams deceived all I have seen
Forgive me for what I have been
Forgive me my sins

I´m hoping, I´m praying
I won´t get lost between two worlds
For all I have seen the truth lies in between
Give me the strength to face the wrong that I have done
Now that I know the darkest side of me

How can blood be our salvation
And justify the pain that we have caused throughout the times
Will I learn what´s truly sacred?
Will I redeem my soul, will truth set me free?

Blinded to see the cruelty of the beast
It is the darker side of me
The veil of my dreams deceived all I have seen
Forgive me for what I have been
Forgive me my sins

The Truth Beneath the Rose

My schedule is hectic until the end of March. This week, we will be having our third periodical examination. Next week, we have to finish our solar boat. I've heard rumors that our Zambales trip will be moved on the 29th of January (it will be for three days). If that happens, I'm going to find someone who would substitute me for the solar boat race because I would prefer going to Zambales. If not, thank God! On January 31, I have an entrance exam on a certain college. On February 6, it would be Aaron's concert and he is asking me to come. I'm still not sure because I usually compete on astronomy quiz bees every second and third week of February at the Philippine Astronomical Society and University of the Philippines AstroSoc. Not to mention that I don't feel like going there.. and... yeah.. spend money. Our prom was rumored to be on February 20. My boyfriend's prom is on the 21st of February and he asked me to be his prom date since outsiders are allowed in La Salle (if my mom would allow me, then it would be two consecutive proms). Not to mention that there is this quiz bee thing so I'm still coordinating with my coach if he is going to find someone to train and replace me because of my hectic schedule (and I might not have time to review anymore) or I have to cope up with every thing (including studying astronomy while preparing for proms and exams) that is happening in my life and organize them. Sigh... my activities, as far as I could see them in my calendar, are overlapping already. It was also said that our final examinations are on the third (or was it last?) week of February. By March, I have to finish my reserved digital artworks for Maan, Kim, and Jenn's birthday. These girls are requesting me to make them a photomosaic. I don't know it I could finish the mosaics on time. (Again, not to mention that their birthdays are also consecutive). I was able to give Kim her photocropped wallpaper (the one wherein she is reading Breaking Dawn) just days ago so I only have to make her a photomosaic (if I could finish it) and maybe two new wallpapers. For Maan, 1 photomosaic, 1 wallpaper, 1 photocropped pic; and for Jenn, 1 photocropped pic, 1 photomosaic, and 1 wallpaper. .. and I'm also planning to give a general bday banner for them. (Total: ten artworks)... I guess I won't be able to make extra wallpapers. Oh.. I forgot, two of my cousins will also be having their birthday this March. Sigh.. and I have an interview this February for my summer job application. Err... and there are still more things to come. WAAAAHHH!!!!!! And yeah, by April, it's our graduation, and also, summer training for the COCCs (as a CAT officer,we might be asked to come to school and train these aspirants), and yay! summer job. ...and yeah, our clan's summer camp (for Salonga youths only. harhar... no parents) in Hala-Hala. hehe...

Disclaimer: I did not make the pics. I just compiled them. (Click the pics to view the larger version)

Goths

This sucks!!!

Yeah I am "quite" enjoying this Vacation but... teachers gave us a lot of tortures to do... DAMMIT!!!

Christmas Vacation

Wohoo!!! Dammit!!! Yey!!! Shit!!! Wow!!! Crap!!! I don't know how I should feel right now. Seriously.

This afternoon, I just got my first ever VIOLATION REPORT in school.

After being a student with clean records for 12 years, not to mention being an honor student, I finally got my first ever offense... and it's not just an ordinary student's deportment report -- but a violation report. It's like having three SDRs.

Oh the heck! I thought I was given this because I'm a part of a sorority; I cut class; I forged our principal's signature at the back of my notebook; I drank brandy; or something else that I might have done and was a really wrong thing to do. But then, I was given the stupid report for a not-so-reasonable explanation. It was written in the "others: __________" portion -- stated as, did not comply with school policy regarding the report card.

What the hell?! Was it my fault that no one from my side was able to attend the parents' meeting last week and get my report card? HELL NO!!! and besides, I even had a letter signed by my mother that no one will be able to attend the said meeting.

This sucks, there are a lot of grounds for violation that almost all of the students in our school are guilty of... but then, I had mine in the "others" category. Dammit!!! This is just so unfair!

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Here are the possible offenses:

dishonesty, cheating, theft
smoking, possession and/or consumption of alcoholic beverages
use of profane or indecent language
possession/distribution of indecent material
gross disrespect, discourtesy to school authority personnel
insubordination/defiance or abusive behavior towards school authorities
consistent disruption of lesson through inappropriate noise, excessive movement or disrespectful behavior
possession/use/sale (whether on or off campus) of dangerous drugs
refusal to cooperate with disciplinary sanctions
injuring the school's name and reputation through reprehensible public acts on or off campus
cutting class(es)
truancy
unauthorized departure from campus
forgery of ___ signature
threatening, intimidation, provoking fights, coercion
quarelling, fights, inflicting injury, assault
vandalism/destruction of school other property affiliation with any organization whose objectives and activity counter to school policies
possession or/use/sale of deadly weapons/firecrackers
violation in library rules
fraternity membership/involvement in hazing
consistent violation of school policies and regulation
violation of computer and internet surfing rules

*************************

Almost every student in school have violated one of these things. ARGGHHH!!!

What a Meaningful Gift

Regarding my last post, I also posted it in our Gothic Group (specifically, in Gotik Wave Treffen)... I never thought that the other Goths would pay attention to my posts.. and now, they are helping these poor people...

************

Here are some of the replies I got from different people:

>how sad ... i've seen this in TV... they are from Africa right?...

very, very sad.....!

bless them......

> yea very sad...
i make my little brother see this pics bec. sometimes he kept on complaining bout food..
So, i think it made him feel guilty..

But if you will compare this to those rich people who only think about money and when you see their dinning table w/ a lots of food, damn,
now i think they suck big time..

> Okay i feel guilty abit, cus i sometimes do complain about food. These people have died due to severe starvation.. what have i done? T.T

>hOw sAd...

>ohhhhh crap. Ive learned my lesson..not to complain and nag my mom about food.=_=

i just wanna close my eyes.. >.< these pickus hurt me

> Sad to see how lack from certain necessities can affect someone so bad

> i feel really guilty not bcoz i'm always had a quarrel bout my food but i'm always had nice food n been treated nicely...

> amusing...(...)

~ Umm?Amusing in wat way??...well i used to complain about my food but now i lessen it...im learning how to appreciate what u are given..

>they look like aliens..poor things...

> If only I can change the world...

> It gave me something to stare at(and think for)...amusing...somewhat reminds me of the animals we really are but we somehow forgot.

***Note that the replies here were not edited by me (just the font size and SOME of the colors -- to make them visible to my page).. these are the exact things that they uttered (w/c would include some of the typo errors -- of course, these typo errors are sometimes inevitable.) -Phantasm***

Just then, when I viewed our group discussion (forum)... I saw a new post that supported my former post:

thhis is related to phantasm's post..theres something we can do... i have read the newspaper this morning and theyve featured this site.....
http://www.freerice.com/index.php

its a vocabulary test at and each correct answers is equals to 10 grains of rice to the U>N..the sponsore are the one who will donate in each correct answers you make.... to help end the hunger around the world....

***Note that the replies here were not edited by me (just the font size and SOME of the colors -- to make them visible to my page).. these are the exact things that they uttered (w/c would include some of the typo errors -- of course, these typo errors are sometimes inevitable.) -Phantasm***

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Wow, I could not believe that a single post would do such a thing... To those who have appreciated it, and cooperated in helping them, thank you so much!

I hope more people would help... =)

Small Things Can Make a Big Difference

I'm done with some of my assignments and now I don't feel like doing some more.

*Sigh* I have been feeling so depressed since yesterday. I feel so lonely, so sad, so alone, so dumb, so stupid, so... pathetic. I despise myself right now...

In school, there is at least one subject wherein I would feel sleepy. But now, I didn't even felt bored nor sleepy in class. All I felt was... hmm... dunno. I felt so empty.

One of my classmates even noticed that I wasn't myself today. He asked me why do I look so sad and am I okay? I just answered, "I'm fine. I'm just bored." Today I forced myself to smile in front of everyone I knew in school and act like I am fine and happy. I did my best to try to laugh in class with my seatmate, to have fun with my friends, and to keep my feelings (sad) from my boyfriend (I'm sorry...).

I really feel so bad and I can't even type my reasons here. Though I know that deep inside me, I know the reason why I'm like this right now.

*Sigh* Now I'm here in my room, and still haven't spoken a word since I arrived home.

Depression

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Loathing and Penchant Reality