Loathing and Penchant Reality

***

Our play is done... It was a success. Everybody's performance was really good.

Damn, I can't believe that I wore shorts and a mini skirt at some scenes... Btw, some of us lost our money after the play. (Dunno... we were busy dressing up and acting... the play was already over when we noticed that our money has gone missing.)

Err... now, I'm really, really sick.
It was raining in the afternoon, when something happened that it pissed me off. Already in an asthma attack, I still made myself worse by walking under the rain -- not because I don't have an umbrella; but because I wanted to do it intentionally.

This was such a bad day. I wanted to cry but I can't because I had eyeliner on my eyes. If I cry, it's just going to ruin my face and it's not good to see since I'm in school. Damn, if I was only in my room at that time. Though this may seem kinda emotional, I just can't help it. I've been hurt a lot... Ouch!!!

Damn, it's Sunday and I'm so tired... So tired from our practices for our play. I've been going home late for about the past two weeks because of these practices that we're having. In the morning, we attend school (I go to school in the morning, get excused, train for the game, and then leave school at about lunch break to go to the tournament) and then practice in the evening (if the tournament finishes early, then I go back to school and meet my classmates.. but if not, I just try to catch up to them). On weekends, we meet early in the morning and then go home in the evening. Err... all these practices wanted to make me feel so desperate -- so desperate to have a break... have a rest.

*Sigh* ... ... I've got so many things to do and so much to study -- 'coz I have been missing my classes for almost a month now. (Thank God that my chess tournament finished last Thursday -- we were supposed to have thirteen rounds which is about two weeks of chess games... but then, it's a good thing that the arbiters decided to reduce the number of rounds to seven rounds.)

September 21: Practice of Play -- Round 1 in Chess
September 22: Practice of Play
September 23: No meeting; yet have a lot of things to do
September 24: Round 2 in Chess
September 25: Just training in Chess
September 26: Round 4 and 5 in Chess -- this was a bad day because we were about to get a default lose due to someone I would REALLY like to blame...
September 27: Round 6 and 7 in Chess -- we had a bad day (some were pissed off) so we didn't have a practice
September 28: Practice of Play -- also a bad day (I blame SOME people -- I'll be hiding their names but when they read this, I'm sure that they'll recognize themselves...

I've been very busy for the past four days...
After the I.T. Competition, I had to go on training for my upcoming chess tournaments and practice for our section's play at the same time. I've been coming home late these days that when I reach home, the people were already asleep.

In the morning, I had to go to school and then go on training or practice at night. Damn, it made me experience total hunger, exhaustion, getting all wet because of the rain, and being left by my classmates (this happened twice) alone with my other classmate

[the first time they left me, it's because I was about to be fetched by my boyfriend; and for the second time, I was left with Ayra because we still had to finish our class' script which was 118 pages long (OMFG -- We got the uncut version of Mean Girls). Dammit! They are so unfair. When we have to wait for them, we wait for them. But when it's our turn to be wait for, f***! they just leave us for their f**king reasons.]

-- not to mention, I even had an accident (damn, I loathe that day).

I've been missing my classes for about three weeks already. How the hell am I supposed to cope up with all that? Gee, I'm missing I lot of things. I'm missing school, I'm missing the assignments, I'm missing the days wherein I get pissed because of the teacher, I'm missing the laughter brought up by my classmates, and I'm even missing my boyfriend. *Sigh*

So now it's Sunday, I think I'm sick but I still have a lot of things to do... How I wish I could rest for one whole day; but I guess, I still have to wait for that. If only I could pause the time and rest, or pause the time and then finish everything I have to do... *Sigh...*

Our class didn't seem to agree on each other regarding our MAPEH stuff... so we had to watch both movies that they were arguing about...
As usual, we end up late; yet we enjoyed our classmates' company.


About to go home late at night, my boyfriend was supposed to fetch me and... blah3x (long story). Here's the highlight of what happened to me: I had an accident -- twice!


Sheez, tomorrow's the big day... and I don't know if I'm sick or what. *sighs*

Darn, I hate this day.


My English teacher kept on borrowing my USB from me for days. Now I badly need it but then I forgot to ask him to return it to me. ****. I know that he is busy these days, but seriously, there is what you call "responsibility." Everytime I want my USB back, I go to his office and ask it from him. The only time he went to me and returned my USB to me (duh.. he was the one who approached me) was last periodical examinations. It took about 1 or 2 days (not sure) before he got to return it to me... He didn't even inform me that he lent my USB to another person at that time. I only knew that he lent it to someone, is because I saw that "someone" having my USB . (Yeah... right. Lending something that is not yours to another person. wtf?). Good thing that he lent it to a friend of mine... 'coz if it was just a nobody to me, damn, I'd really get pissed.


Then after recess, I was surprised that our Physics teacher went in our classroom (it was supposed to be our Chemistry). She told us that she somehow switched time with our Chemistry teacher. At that time, I received the bad news that I expected. I got a grade lower than 85 (for the first time in my entire life) but not a line of seven. Because of this, I'm no longer included in the honor pupils. Shit!!!


Then the next subject comes... Biotechnology. Guess what? More time borrowing. We had Chemistry instead of Biotechnology and still had Chemistry at our supposed to be Chemistry time (instead of Physics). Darn, two hours = two lessons + a lot of seatworks (really, "a lot!!!"). Well, at that time, I looked at the bright side and thought that, "At least we can get to master this topic because of the exercises." Then again, bad news. Our teacher didn't seem contented of the tortures he gave so he gave us "a lot" of homeworks; not to mention that it wasn't taught to us yet.


Then by dismissal, our school had this so-called gates by the stairs. They say that it was meant to lock-up students like us. (Overstaying pupils who d not go down at once...blah3x). Well, we had our adviser by our side at that time so we were able to stay longer in cleaning our classroom.


On the way home, I was not in the good mood due to my boyfriend's "he knows what it is and I'm not going to mention it." Knowing his attitude, I just shut up though I spoke few words, still I wasn't able to tell him what I was thinking and what I wanted to say. I find the things that he have been telling me -- as a response; quite different from what I wanted him to know. By that time, all I could do is a big sigh and just let him say all the things that he would like to utter. Well, though I found myself cold to him at that time, I still think that it was better than if I would speak. 'Coz if I did, it might just start up a fight. *sigh*


Now I'm here, in front of my computer; typing; losing interest in studying; not in the mood to start doing my assignments; not in the mood to sleep; getting very serious about stuff; loathing people; loathing the altruism I showed to people; regretting stuff; doubting myself; playing with black nail polish; still haven't spoke a word (last time I spoke was when I talked to a tricycle driver on my way home); bored; wanting for more black stuff; thinking; not in the mood to do anything but hate the things around me; stay at one corner of my room -- alone, people not seeing and talking to me.

This morning, before going to school, I tuned on my phone. I was surprised that I received almost ten messages from my boyfriend. When I read it, I kinda felt bad. I felt bad 'coz I wasn't there for him at that time... I was asleep.

In a few moments, something just happened. (Errr... I can't exactly remember why this part happened). I noticed that my middle finger on my left hand was bleeding. Without controlling it, five drops of blood fell onto my bedroom floor. Suddenly, I thought of something.
"Huh? Hmm... I wonder... Why did this just happen? Does this mean something? Hmm... weird."
Then I just suddenly said, "Darn. Why does it always have to be on my left hand!?"
Afterwards, I just stared at my blood on the floor. It was red an viscous. It made me feel that I want more... more blood to drip out.

Early in the morning in school, as usual, I get pissed by one of the boys in class that made my day, a bad day again.

Hmmm... here's a part of what I wrote on a piece of paper after I took our exam in Microbiology:

It's only 9:30am... our next exam is by 10:10am. Right now, it's our free time since we've already taken our periodical exam in Computer. I feel sleepy; at the same time sick of the following people near me: D******, R***, and company. Oh, how I hate those bastards. All they do is boast, ask for food, criticize others, and boast again.

I LOATHE THEM!!! I HATE THEM!!!

Looking at the bright side, at least R*** will be gone by next year.

How I hate it every time I see _______ looking at me. Err... makes me feel very irritated and wanting to kill him.

It's our periodical exam today. I'm not in the mood to review. How I wish I could do something without the consequences. (e.g. Stabbing _____ directly at his eyes, cutting off ___'s fingers so that I won't be able to hear him play the guitar ever again, burning people I hate, torturing them, things like that...).

It's now 9:40am... I'm getting bored. Not to mention irritated. Ah! It's like the 5th time I saw _____'s @#$%^&* ugly face looking at me. Haha! He is so pathetic. Yeah, I must say he is. Just look at his face. "Ewww..."

Crap... "Ang bastos 'nya'!" "Leche!!!"

After taking the exam in Filipino, we (my classmates and I) went at the school grounds and hanged there just like we always do. There, a lot of things happened... (It's too long to type. hehe).

I reached home past 1pm though our dismissal time was 11am.


When I viewed my horoscope in friendster, here is what it says:

Aquarius:
You see beneath the surface of what people do;
Let them know that you see the truth

Somehow I think that I could relate this to something that is happening right now. Anyway, it's just a horoscope... or is it...?


Now I'm in badtrip mode and not in the mood to type why. Though this has been a bad day, I'm feeling like it's going to get worse tonight. Anyway, I wish I could talk to him later or by tomorrow at about 1am or something.